Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress andstep into the showers before they realize there is NO SOAP.Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, notbothering to dress.He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to theshowers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nunsheading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against thewall and FREEZES like he's a STATUE.The nuns stop and comment on how "life-like" he looks. The first nunsuddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.Startled, he drops a bar of soap!"Oh look," says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser".To test her theory, the second nun also pulls on his manhood.Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.Now the third nun decides to have a g o.She pulls once, Then twice and three times but nothing happens.So she gives several more tugs.....then yells,"Holy Mary, Mother of God, hand-lotion too!"
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and
suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect
her
things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their
beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft
background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar,
and a bottle of spring-water.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and
deposited a
few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the
curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for
the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air
fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to
set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few
days and in the
end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing
worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to
work in the house. The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to
move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they
could not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return
their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to
purchase
a new place. The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were
going.
He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and
said
that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to
reduce her
divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a
price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but
only if she were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the
moving company pack everything to take to their new home.........
And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!!
