Forwarded E-mailed Jokes For A Few Laughs !!!
A guy goes to the super market and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
She replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now, his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife. He asks, "Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your
partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."
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A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.. The husband
picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. 'What do you
think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24
cans,' he replies. 'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the
wife, and so they carry on shopping. A few aisles further on along the
woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket. 'What
do you think you're doing?' asks the husband. 'Its my face cream. It
makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife. Her husband retorts: 'So
does 24 cans of Budweiser and its half the price.'
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A woman comes home and tells her husband, 'Remember those headaches I've been having. All these years? Well, they're gone.'
'No more headaches?' the husband asks, 'What happened?'
His wife replies,'Margie referred me to a hypnotist and he told me to stand in front of a mirror, Stare at myself and repeat:
I do not have a headache,
I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.
Well, it worked! The headaches are all gone.'
'Well, that is wonderful,' proclaims the husband.
His wife then says, 'You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years, why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?'
Reluctantly, the husband agrees to try it.
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.'
He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, 'WOW! -- that was wonderful!'
The husband says, 'Don't move! I will be right back.'
He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time.
The wife sits up and her head is spinning, 'OH MY GOD!' She proclaims.
Her husband again says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.' With that, he goes back in the bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying:
'She's not my wife,
She's not my wife,
She's not my wife,
She's not my wife.'
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PREGNANT TURKEY STORY(Fiction?) (NO!)
One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my
sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing
how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to
play a trick. She told my sister that she needed
something from the store.
When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of
the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen,
and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the
turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.
When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the
turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the
stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something,
she reached in and pulled out the little bird.
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother
exclaimed, 'Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant
bird!'At the reality of this horrifying news,
my sister started to cry.
It took the family two hours to convince her that
turkeys lay eggs!
Yep..................SHE'S BLONDE!
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A young man goes into the Job Center in Jacksonville,
Florida, and sees a card advertising for a
Gynecologist's Assistant.
Interested he goes to learn more -
'Can you give me some more
details about this?' he asks the guy behind the desk.
The Job Center man sorts through his files & replies
'Oh yes here it is: The job entails you getting the
ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help
them out of their underwear, lie them down and
carefully wash their private regions, then apply
shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub
in soothing oils so that they're ready for the
gynecologist's examination.
There's an annual salary of $65,000, but you're going
to have to go to Oxford, Mississippi . That's about
620 miles from here.'
'Oh, is that where the job is?'
'No sir - that's where the end of the line is!'
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